I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
