my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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