My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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