Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
