i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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