Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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