I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
