My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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