you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This house was built for laser tag.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
