its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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