its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
