i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
