I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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