When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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