What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
