Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
