Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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