Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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