i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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