508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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