Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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