And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
