she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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