I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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