Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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