yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
