If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
