I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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