I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
