My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
