Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
