Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
