Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
