He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
