There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
