Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
