This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
