dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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