I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My vagina just recognized that song.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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