I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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