Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
