he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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