Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
