I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
True strength comes from lack of pants
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
