I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
