Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
