I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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