About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
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