Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
