He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
