Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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