Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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