Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
organizing the empties. That sober.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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