so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
