Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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