DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
