so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
