I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
