I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
