Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
