Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
