yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
