nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I want is dick and wine.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
