Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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