just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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