so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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