hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
